DO I TELL MY FRIEND THAT THEIR PARTNER IS CHEATING ON THEM? ....
Second Life Relationship Woes
So your friend is being cheated on. You saw his or her other half out with someone else and it was clear that they weren't just chatting about the weather. What do you do? Tell your friend because surely they have a right to know, or keep quiet because it's none of your business and may backfire?
This is a terrible situation to be in, though I suspect most of us have been at some time and there really is no straight forward answer. Whatever you decide to do, it is likely to have consequences and there is always the possibility that your going to cop the fallout. That can be true even if you say nothing, I mean suppose your friend finds out and then discovers that you knew all along? They are bound to ask "you knew all along and didn't tell me?"
You could start by asking yourself how you might feel in that situation - would you want to know? You'll no doubt be worried about hurting your friends feelings, telling may feel like the 'right' thing to do, but is it the 'good' thing to do, therein lies the moral debate.
It is worth considering how close a friend that person is to you. Would they appreciate this news coming from you if you don't really spend that much time together and how hurt would they be if you kept it quiet if you usually share everything together.
You should also consider whether you have all the facts straight, how much firm evidence do you really have? Is it possible that you misread the situation? Another thing is are you aware whether they have some kind of arrangement like an 'open relationship' a don't ask, don't tell kind of situation.
I have often come across couples in Second Life who have different 'rules' when it comes to dating inworld as opposed to RL. For example they may be in a happy relationship/marriage RL and come to SL for fun to enhance their RL relationship, as such they are not worried about their SL partner 'cheating' However there are many who take their online relationship very seriously and expect the same level of commitment and loyalty as they would in any relationship RL. So I think it is important to take these things in to consideration by chatting to your friend before disclosing your thoughts and any 'evidence'.
Another important thing to remember, is not to blurt such news out in anger. Your friend may have suspisions themsleves which would obviosly be causing them some underlying worries and stress. It may be that your friend is maybe not wanting to spend as much time with you as they are concerned about their relationship. Or it may be that they are hurt and angry deep down, but in denial and afraid to admit the truth, so take it out on you, perhaps being more snappy or short tempered than usual. In this situation, resist the urge to unburden yourself in anger which will only make the issue so much worse, forcing them to confront it.
It is possible that your friend and her partner choose to stay together following the cheating and that you will serve as a reminder of a time they wish to forget, meaning that ultimately you are cast aside.
Of course while you are deliberating all this, it is best to keep it to yourself and avoid telling other friends. One of the hardest things when a person has been cheated on, is the humiliation which is compounded when they find out everyone else knows. If you need to talk this through, then talk to someone who does not know your friend and who is not involved.
So now you've thought it all through, what next? I would suggest that a good place would be to talk to the cheating partner if possible. Just explain that you have your friends best interests at heart and don't want to see them hurt. Depending on the response you get, it may be possible to decide how to deal with the situation. Suggest that the right thing to do would be to end the affair or to be honest with your friend and end the relationship. If they refuse to do either, then you may be better off telling your friend the truth.
In situations where you discover that the cheating occurred a long time ago and it has ended, it is probably better to avoid dragging the issue up and let it lie.
There is no easy solution, realistically someone is going to get hurt, but always act with the best of intentions and always let your friend know you are there for them. Couples often stay together after an affair, if this is the case how you handle it will affect your future friendship.
Maybe the real question ought to be 'Can a friendship survive an affair?'
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